For most people, when finding out you’re going to have a baby – the first thing you want to do is share the news with your family.
But, sadly, not everyone has the healthiest relationship with their blood relatives, which is exactly why one woman chose to keep her pregnancy under wraps.
Although the pregnancy wasn’t planned, the woman and her husband were overjoyed, and couldn’t wait to welcome their little boy into the family, but while the pregnancy was an overall positive experience, she didn’t want her mum, step-dad or his children to be a part of it.
“I was estranged from my mum for a number of years and we had sort of reconciled a couple of months before the pandemic sent us into lockdown,” the woman explained on Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum. “Our relationship has been rocky since then and I didn’t want her trying to push past the let’s see stage into me being her baby and her being grandma. She hurt me deeply.”
Mother-in-law announced pregnancy before mum told family
The woman went on to explain that her issues with her mum began when her dad, who she was extremely close with, passed away when she was just nine years old, after two years of being sick.
“My mum did her grieving when he was sick and was able and ready to bounce back and start dating fast. Whereas I had nightmares, woke up crying and often had panic attacks after his death,” she continued.
Three years after her dad’s death, the woman was finally offered professional help for the deep emotional and psychological trauma she was suffering from after losing her dad. After getting into a fight with her mum, the woman moved in with her grandparents when she was 17, and until recently, she didn’t have any contact with her mum.
So, she chose not to tell her mum, her husband and his children about her pregnancy until two days after her son was born, because she was worried it would overstep some of the boundaries she had set with her estranged parent.
“My mum was angry and told me I denied the family the chance to be excited and plan for a new addition to the family, that it was her and her husbands first grandchild and I had no right to keep them in the dark for so long,” she said. “He told me I was punishing my mum for being happy when I couldn’t be.”
The woman has now been left questioning whether she should have ever reconciled with her mum, but turned to Reddit to ask if others thought she was out of line for not informing her mum about her pregnancy.
“I might have sympathy for your mum if she had cried and apologised that she had hurt you so badly that you didn’t want to share your motherhood journey with her, but after her selfish diatribe? No sympathy, and no faith that she can bring anything positive to your life,” one Reddit user responded.
Another added: “I kept my mother in my life out of guilt and feeling I owed her. I didn’t owe that b**** anything and neither do you. She hurt you and she doesn’t care. Keep that vile woman away from that precious baby. You’ll be a better mum for it.”